Here I'am again... freeing the thoughts and feelings I have inside through this blog. Somehow it lessens the burden inside. As of the moment, Im really like stuck in a dark closed space. Yet stuck, I'm still trying to grasp that tiny bit of light because I have faith in HIM. Though I admit that there were times that I doubted His existence and questioned His authority... But I came to realized later that I didn't questioned all the good things He had done for me.. Though He didn't gave me the things I really wanted but He showed it that what He gave me are the things I needed and its also like His telling me that its still not the time to have the things I wanted... Every time He strengthens my patience. He tried to strengthen me as a person... I'm just a man who commits mistakes and weak, but because of Him somehow I came on surviving this journey of life. I do thank Him for that, I really do.
I know for the very fact that I do sometimes became immature on things. I do get emotionally affected and as a result decides abruptly without thinking. I guess everyone gets to such point in life.. But even though i did some things, but i always assure it will harm no one but me... I'm always cautious in things to avoid hurting others, I always do think of other people more than myself. But there was a time that I need to think of myself just once enable to keep on living this life. At that moment, i pulled myself in order to keep me out from breaking down. Its something that I don't have, yet its a very big part of myself. Its a feeling and something that i never had before in my life but then its the most certain thing i ever know.. I know for the fact that the feeling is not mutual but then again somehow I know its just you.
I kept some distance not because my feelings changed but rather I just want you to feel free and do the things you like and not suffocate you of me. Somehow also i was hoping you'll miss me. Maybe I'm not near where I'm used to be, but really I'm just around waiting, and ready anytime whatever happens... You don't need to call my name, just a single sign is all it will just take to let me know and i'l come running. What the future holds for me and you is uncertain, but I'm hoping and praying for that time will come it will be mutual.. and I'm doing my very best for a better future with His guidance.
I also want you to know, that aside from HIM above, your friends and family, there will always be a me you can run to, that loves you so and will always do, even if its not me and you.. Things I do is because of you. Your happiness is my happiness. These are not just words but rather are facts that I can only prove through time and if you'll let me...and still hoping, coz tomorrow is Still Yet Unknown..
-JopZ-
