Don't Know

Why is it always good people get dumped and get the bad things in life? while bad/mean people always gets the good and the best in life... dont you find it very ironic and unfair? :(

I just find it very unfair that no matter what I do... it just mean nothing... and no matter how hard I try and do my best, its like my best is just not good enough. Don't know what to do anymore.. Since when I was a child, no matter how hard I strive, I just can't get what I aim for, even just nearer to it... Maybe other people say that im lucky of what I have for the moment, but if you were in my position would you say your lucky if what you have are the things you dont want and you dont need... and other say just find something else rather than having the thing you cant have, but its like this, you can never put a diesel if the car needs premium gasoline.. at first, you may start the engine but at the long run it would just stop and no matter how you try, it won't go on further...moreover, it would just damage and destroy the engine... Its like life, no matter what you do, life seems to be on halt and you cant move... Its like the reason for going on would just stop.

Sometimes I would doubt if God do really exist. I doubt that is He really that good, coz if He is, why does he let good people suffer and let those who were not deserving be happy. I know, somehow it weakens my faith. My thought is just this, why he let me have something but eventually take it away. Why does he let me suffer with such terrible pain that sometimes i just want to end this journey but if not for my family, i would have done it long ago... coz somehow, i just want to pull them out from the grave of problems coz people dont really know what we are just going through but somehow we just keep it to ourselves and just fake those smiles...

But in my life there one thing i never regret in doin' and thats how i love yu... i thought she was just nothing but time came, i fell for her.. coz when time came when i thought that life has no meaning at all, i just did find one... but sad to say, though i find something to live for, i just don't have a chance and i know that long before but still keep on trying.. hoping for something would unlikely to happen... a hope i kept, to keep on living life that even to the end is never fair. i love her..

don't know, i just don't know..